Existential Blog Questions

I feel very lackluster as of late. I'm not inspired to work on the blog. I have so much content lined up from my trips to the UK in the spring and Newfoundland in the summer, but I just can't bring myself to spend the time and sit down to write the posts, edit the photos or even promote the blog on social media.

Part of the issue is that I've been working the day job quite a bit lately which involves day and evening shifts, sometimes in the same day and its just left me dog-tired. When I do have a bit of free time, I just can't muster the energy to anything but mentally prepare to go back to work.

I'm finding also, and not proudly I might add, I've been having some serious blogger envy, fellow bloggers might know this feeling. You follow some bad-ass bloggers and lady bosses and once in a while you wish it was you that was ruling the internet--taking names and getting shit done. When really you are just sitting in front of your computer with a list of site maintenance to-dos and an armload of articles to read about building your blog/your brand/your numbers, when really all you want to do (and lets be honest, actually do) is watch instagram stories, drink tea, and plan a make believe trip to Bali.

I thoroughly love blogging. I enjoy the writing, taking photos, creating the general content. What I'm wondering now though is, is blogging something I'm content with being a small (very small) side project that I'm purely doing for my own enjoyment and the few followers I do happen to have (I dearly love each of you)? Or do I actually want to grow this somewhat schizophrenic little blog into something that can fulfill me both emotionally and financially?

Do I have a distinct enough voice? Do I even have a voice? What is my niche? Is it unique enough? It is what I want? Is it what you want? Where are my pants?

Am I uninspired because I'm not seeing the results I want or merely because I'm tired and just need a little nap?

So many questions, fellow bloggers have you had these kinds of feelings? I'm not ready to quit you, {Erin Out and About}, but how do I get inspired again?

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Holidays and Self-Care

If you don't already know, taking a break sometimes can be the best form of self-care one can take. Whether it's a mental break by changing your current task, a social media break  by turning off your devices, or a physical break and putting kilometers between you and your everyday life.

That's exactly what my holiday and blogger break was for me. Even more than I had anticipated it to be. I may still be struggling through my third-life crisis but I now have a renewed focus and found a bit of quiet from that nagging, critical voice. You know the one I mean. The one that pretends to be helpful and constructive, but can actually be quite harsh and damaging more often than not.

My holiday was a perfect mix of friendship love and exploring new places, both things brought me out of my head and reminded me to be a bit kinder to myself, friends' kind words can have that effect. The blogger break was more incidental to my travel plans and lack of time to schedule posts before leaving, but this break was actually quite good for me. I was glad to see that taking a mini blogger break didn't mean the end of my small but much beloved readership. And I've even returned with a restored sense of excitement to get back into writing and creating content.

What do you do to give yourself a little self-care?

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An [Im]perfect Photograph: Travel Link Up

I'm a blogger (duh), occasionally I'm a travel blogger, lifestyle blogger, food blogger, or hometown tourist blogger. But I don't have a camera. Never really have since starting my blog 4 and a half years ago. I've always relied on my phone for taking pictures (remember when they used to be called camera phones?). Despite that I'd like to think I've gotten better at photography over time. Looking back at early posts with embarrassing quality images, I at least hope I have. Although this blog is a passion project and brings me satisfaction and joy, it's still just a hobby and other things have taken priority over buying a new (actual) camera.

On my last trip, I thought I'd figured things out this time by bringing both my regular iPhone, my dad's old Android, and borrowed my parents point and shoot camera. For the most part this system 'worked', but was a bit of a pain. But will I be buying a camera in the near future? Probably not. Mama needs a phone upgrade. That'll do.

My lack of a 'proper' camera and this month's travel theme, ''A Perfect...'' lead me to think about taking the perfect photo.

Has this happened to you? The setting is magical, the atmosphere sublime, the subject excellent and perfectly poised, you point and shoot and for those few brief seconds before the digital image flashes on the screen, in your mind you have taken the most brilliant photograph ever to exist. Sometimes it's close, sometimes it's better in your mind's eye.

Example from 2013 of a not so great photo, that was perfect in my head. (And I still used it on the blog!)

When we visited the salt flats in Bolivia those famed perspective shots alluded us. At first I was disappointed that we didn't get the perfect shot, then I mentally kicked myself and shook my head. I was in freakin' Bolivia, thousands of miles above sea level and with my bestie, Eimear. Forget about striving for the perfect photograph when I was about to let the perfect moment pass me by.

Eimear calls this our practice shot

But man when I'm able to get that perfect photo at the perfect time on my little 'outdated' smartphone, it's, well...perfection.

At the beginning of each month, I like to take part in the monthly travel link up hosted on the incredible blogs by Angie, Jessi, Emma,  and this month's special co-host Jamie. You can join in too by leaving a comment below, checking out other posts on the link up, or adding your own post to the widget now until November 7th.

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Birthday Debrief

Today, at 11:08 am EDT, I turn 34. 

Unlike when I turned 32, I don't have as many feels about it this time around. 

Now that I'm well into my 30s I find myself to be in the midst of my 'third life crisis'--I mean, am I where I'm supposed to be? Should I own a house already? Be married with kid(s)? Have a job, earning lots of money? 

Most days I feel like I'm just coping with things. This #adulting thing is harder than they lead you to believe.

Sometimes as things get to be too much, I take a deep breath and count the blessings I do have and reckon that life will get figured out eventually. Until that time, I will continue to enjoy travelling, the job I do have and being a hometown tourist with friends. 

Happy Birthday to me!

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Forgetting my Phone

Today I forgot my phone when I left for work. Left it right on the counter, having put it down before collecting my things and stepping out. I only realized I was without it once I arrived.

Panic set in slightly, I had to rationalize that I wasn't expecting any important phone calls or personal emails, I didn't have any evening plans that required keeping in touch with people, so everything was going to be fine and I could survive ONE day without it.

The hours passed with little thought of it. That is until I wondered the time, which was about every 10 minuets, or needed to check dates in my calendar, or even when I had an instagrammable moment.

I was kinda dreading lunch. What was I going to do with myself while eating? I had nothing to play on, nothing to read, no one to even talk to! Thankfully it was a beautifully, warm, fall day, so I headed to the park to sit and eat.

I people watched; noticed the two old men enjoying a small prepared picnic on fold-up chairs, listened to the children squeal with glee as they played and chased each other at the swing set, observed the woman making her way repeatedly around the path on her lunchtime walk, and even enjoyed the little squirrels and chipmunks gathering nuts and storing them away high up in the trees.

Had I brought my phone today, I would have missed all this. Nothing important or exciting happened, but still I felt the better for being part of it.

Instragramming my meat platter, obvi!

How to Travel with a Brit

While traveling in Dover, I met a Canadian couple also staying at the same B&B. We got to talking, addressing topics of Canada (obvs), places we've travelled, and those quirky Brits. They pointed out to me that the qualities the British most appreciate in a thing, any thing at all, are: it's closeness, it's loveliness, and something about it is proper. They may not realize this to be true, but it's probably because they are too close to recognize it. So while I had a Brit visiting me in Canada I wanted to make sure he felt as comfortable as possible while still showing off the Canadian culture and it's history. (Sadly, no portaging was required during this trip)

Eat like the locals do and consume a (North) American styled brekkie at a greasy spoon.

Steak and eggs are a must

Do usual day things in really old buildings. 

A market structure has existed on this spot in Toronto since 1803. Today it's once again a vibrant market building servicing the local neighbourhood and tourists daily. Sadly, there's nothing else like it in Toronto, but was a big hit with the Brit.

Attend some sort of cultural pomp and circumstance with a history.

The goat is a descendant from a royal goat given to the Van Do's by Queen Victoria. He attends every changing of the guards and parades around the grounds of the Citadelle du Quebec.

Pretend that the old town buildings are super normal and we too put commercial stores in 16th century buildings.  But actually most of our "really" old buildings are only from the mid 19th century and we turn them into museums.

Place Royale, mostly reconstructed 17th century facades, but looks really, really old. 

Find a pub. It's probably going to be Irish 'cause all the best pubs in Canada are "Irish".  Drink like the locals and order a Canadian drink. Acceptable items include but are not limited to; a Caesar, Sleemans/Keiths, or Ontario grown wine.

I like eating in my drinking.

Hi, my name is Erin and I just might have a blogging addiction

I don't have a blogging addiction. I don't.  

I will admit, however that for awhile now I've been obsessed with photographing mealtime plates before I'd dare lift a fork and knife and obviously one must chase those instagrammable moments (remember when the phenomenon was called a Kodak Moments?).

But that's not a blogging addiction.

I confess that lately, I can't stop scrolling through my Bloglovin' feed (cheeky plug: you can follow me here), adding new blogs constantly and being all consumed with reading new posts. There's just so much good content out there, I need to keep up!

But that's not a blogging addiction.

And okay I may have a thing for social media. I mean, Forgeddaboutit! (even if I don't really get how they all work and so many new ones that I can't keep up--Periscope, what? I must be old)

But that's not a blo......

Right. Okay. I do see now that blogging only amplifies these obsessions and feeds my addiction. 

Fine. 

I might have a slight problem, but they say acceptance is the first step, right?

This post is part of the monthly travel link up hosted by the lovelies  Emma, Kelly, Rebecca  and with this month's co-host Anna at Penelope and Parker. Check out their blogs and the many other link up participants. Feed your addiction.

Birthday

Today is my birthday. 

It's no big deal, no big plans, but I am turning 32.

I remember when I first started planning my move to England, I was 29 years old and knew that I would be returning to Canada when I was 31 (because maths), but that seemed so far away. I left just before my 30th birthday since everyone knows you're allowed to do crazy, irresponsible, risky things when your in your 20's. It's expected of you. Once you are 30 though, you must hunker down and start adulting all over the place. At least that was my theory. 

Now the 2 years have past and I'm turning 32!

It never actually occurred to past me that future me would actually become present me. You know? I mean, obviously I knew it would happen, but I didn't actually sit down and link it together in my head.

On my 30th birthday, I had been staying in Cambridge with a good friend of mine and she had to convince me to make some plans for the occasion. I called in my friends from London, invited along some acquaintances, and a few others I didn't even know. It was a brilliant night out on the Cambridge town.

Public loo selfie on my 30th

The following year, I knew could not compete with my 1st anniversary of turning 29, so instead I had a quiet dinner out with my little super guy at a fab location up high in the sky.

fancy dinner at the Heron Tower

  Any excuse for a new dress, amiright ladies?

The birthdays I've had abroad, have been some of my most memorable ones. I got a lot of things going on in my head right now and getting another year older has been added to the list. When looking forward becomes overwhelming, it's okay to sometimes take a peek back and remember where you've been. 

Emotionally Hungover and Jet Lagged

I've been kind of quite on the "Out and About" front these days as I spent my last few days in England travelling, packing, and saying several emotional 'so long for now's. I'm still processing my thoughts and feelings about my past 2 years and being shipped back to Canada, which I may or may not one day express here. I think I might still be in a bit of denial that this isn't just a visit. I'll probably have to prepare for an emotional breakdown in the few weeks to come, but until then I will keep myself distracted with the few remaining London posts I have lined up. 

With the move back, Erin Out and About will be getting a bit of an update and maybe a refocus as I'm no longer 'a Canadian living abroad'. I don't really know what this new direction might look like just yet, but I hope you are willing to stick around with me to see where things lead. I have meet and interacted with so many great people through this weird and wonderful blogging community and I thank you, who visit my pages, for coming along and indulging me in your interest in my mediocre iPhone photos, my blathering, and my poor attempts at puns. 

Now lets dance!

Via

Tuesday Rambling on Doors

There is just nothing like good 'curb appeal' to build in me instant daydreams and desires of wanting to go beyond the threshold. In Canada, I've admired pretty little properties and wonder what goes on behind the curtains shrouding the picture windows (and secretly thrill when I can actually get a glimpse inside), but only Europe can create such house envy with a simple, or sometimes grand, doorway. When I travel many of my photos, when they aren't of my food/drink/#fromwhereIstand feet photos, are of these unfamiliar scenes focused in on the doorway. 

While is Lavenham, I was completely enamoured with the doors. They were beautiful colours, delicately decorated and so very ordinary in an incredibly old way. Sure you could get into the whole symbolism of the door being a beginning or transition into something new and unknown or the whole cliche of "when opportunity knocks", but I think it just boils down to the fact of, "I wish I lived there!"

This is clearly something that runs in the family as my mother, being the terrific, creative, talent that she is, created a series of mini sculpted doors of the doorways we were in awe of on our trip through Europe back in 2005. ISH HOUSE is my favourite one as it was the door to my building when I did my semester abroad.

Just of bit of rambling

In every relationship there comes a time when you have to decide if this relationship is going someplace and if you even want it to be going there and the other day I found myself in this very same scenario (weird, right?). We decided that rather than just hang on for the sake of it, we should end things and just be friends (I so badly want to use quotations around that). 
The initial comedown from a relationship, no matter how casual and how amicable the parting, is always a hard one. I'm forcing myself not to pick up the phone and send a quick text because I'm bored (OH SO BORED). I realize now that almost every spare evening I had I spent with him, I must get used to being on my own and coping with my moments of boredom (GOOD LORD THE BOREDOM). 
Then I realized there is no better time for me to be single than while living an expat life in London. I meet new people each week and London has a lot on offer. I just need to get back to being comfortable with myself again and London will be shiny and exciting to me once more.

Enough rambling from me, thanks for sticking around. As your reward, here is a dog enjoying his bone.

Fun travels!